Customer Service and Robo Calls

corsetLike buggy whips, land lines, and whale-bone corsets, customer service is a thing of the past. The long past. Only we old fogies remember when real people answered the phone after 3 to 4 rings, and actually listened and answered questions. I long for the good old days.

Here is what customer service offers today.
1. Being on hold 28 minutes before your call is answered. (Assuming it is.) . clock tickingAnd during this unreasonable lengthy of time, you hear a recording every 15 seconds that says, “Your call is important to us.  Our customer service representatives are busy helping other customers now. Please remain on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.”

2. so sorryFinally reaching a real person and being told at least 10 times with in a minute, “I’m sorry” or ” I apologize.”
These people who could care less are not sorry or apologetic. Just annoying. More than once I’ve said, “Stopped telling me you are sorry and do something!”

3. While on hold. Hearing a recording which encourages you to check their website. Great advice! But if your complaint is with your cable provider, who supplies your internet access, and the internet is down, which is why you are calling, this advice is worthless.

cable serviceBundle they say, fancy words for let us rip you off 3 ways.

4. Being told, “We are expecting higher call volumes than normal. Please call back.” Click.


5. Calling at 9 a.m. CSDT, and hearing a recording say, “Our office hours are between 6 a.m. and 6 p.m. ESDT. Please call back during those hours.” Click

6. Being on hold for 56 minutes. Hoping to wait them out and finally giving up because you need to take more aspirin, fix a stronger drink, go to the bathroom, or GET A LIFE.

robo callsAnd then….there are the robo calls. If you have missed receiving some of these you must live on Neptune, have no phone, are in a coma, or refuse to answer calls if you do not recognize the number. (The fault with this last plan is, caller ID is far from accurate. My calls have been identified as coming from Los Angeles and I live in Louisiana.))

Robo calls offer: free braces, free hearing aids, a chance to lower your credit card interest rates or win an all expense paid vacation, some restrictions apply. (Like how much money you have to invest in time shares.). What’s nice about robo calls is that no one ever comes onto the line, so feel free to vent all your frustrations to this inhuman voice. (A robo call has saved my sanity and marriage on more than one occasion.)

My best solicitation call ever.  Several weeks ago a REAL, LIVE person called our house. She began her spiel about preparing for death, saving my loved ones the effort, and offered a great prepaid funeral.

When she paused for breath, I said. “Thank you for calling, but we have no need of your services, we are vampires.” I hung up and let her ponder that. vampires


More Stupid News

newspaperInstead of reading news on my ipad, I prefer to read a newspaper. I know newspapers are a dying art form, but I like holding it, scanning the pages, looking at the headlines, and moving on when I’m bored with an article. The newspaper allows me to scan pages without being annoyed with pop up ads, or being asked to take a test to determine if I can answer ten spelling questions correctly, or forced to get an insurance quote to see the page I want to read. No matter what part of the newspaper page I touch, I am not forced to look at another page or an unwanted article.

I find a wealth of startling information in the paper. If the political situation in the this country, and the world in general does not give me enough to worry about, look at the challenges I am now faced with by reading the paper yesterday.

A reader asked Miss Manners: cupcakeWhat is the proper way to eat a cupcake? I’ve never given this 10 seconds of thought to this obvious dilemma. . I suggest this person gets a life. Hasn’t this person  heard of the massacres in Africa, or 3rd world countries that have no guilt and own weapons of mass destruction. I assume none of my male readers worry about cupcake eating either, they are suffering through the off season and only have the NFL draft to look forward to until August.

In case you wonder, the way to eat a cupcake, per Miss Manners is : take off the paper, tip it slightly to avoid getting frosting on your nose, and bite into it.  I am sure we can call rest easy tonight knowing we will not make a terrible gaffe at our next social situation when passed a tray of cupcakes.

paying taxesOnce again the city fathers in our area have my tax money burning a hole in their pocket. They want to spend  100 million dollars to raise the railing on the Causeway bridge from 34 to 46 inches high. This much needed improvement (their words, not mine) should curb the number of vehicles that go airborne, soar off the bridge,  and drop into the lake. Flying cars are a nuisance to other drivers because the bridge is closed for hours so the driver and the vehicle can be winched out of the lake, and of course they are a major problem to the person who just flew off the  bridge in the behemoth SUV..

In case you wonder, a total of about 20 vehicles have flown off the bridge in the last 15 years. money in the tolietHardly a major crisis compared to the crime rate in New Orleans.   Most of these soaring cars had sleeping, speeding, drunk,  or texting drivers, and on three occasions the flying car was rear-ended by one of the afore mentioned drivers. Sad, but as I said before, money won’t fix stupid, not even $100 million.

BUT  the item that really has me concerned was a headline on page four of the supplement: Dogs need to use sunscreen. The article states that even dogs sitting in the house by a window need sunscreen to protect them from burns and cancer.

dog under umbrellaSpot the Wonder dog loves to sit by the window, so must I now cover my furniture with a tarp to protect it from greasy sun screen. After reading this,  I am sure a gazillion cat owners are thinking, “What about Fluffy? Should I protect her?” Next will it be dry skin lotion for your pet lizards and snakes?

Now that I know how to eat a cupcake, realize $100 million will be thrown at stupidity,  I plan to research skin cancer in dogs. I’ll check the internet, after all, it is the source of all truth.


Computers: One Reason I am Crazy

Thank you for finding my new blog site.  I hope you will follow me and leave comments. I  moved from my Amy Signs blog, because publishers (if I ever get one) like a site that identifies you. So out with the old and in with the new. For those who haven’t been following me,  Amy Signs is the title of  memoir my daughter and I wrote about her being born Deaf in a hearing family.chopping coputer

If you are reading this, you probably have a computer and know just how aggravating they can be.  People are generally straight forward with important communications.

“Why did you use the last Kuerig pod? You know I can’t function without coffee in the morning.” (Said by or to a spouse or partner.)

“What kind of moron backs up on the interstate ramp?” (Said to the driver of the car  that just hit you.)

“What did you do with the $20 I just gave you?” (Said to your child)

Computers on the other hand send cryptic messages. “Error code 0V000092” or “File not found,” (and that file was  there yesterday) or “Check your BIOS,” or some other internal organ of the computer that I  know better than to monkey with.

cable cordThis week my wireless internet is  giving me fits. Works only on rare occasions. Today a message said ;”Plug in  Ethernet cable. This looks like a telephone cord.”  Isn’t everything wireless? Do such cables even exist? There are none in this house. I searched, and so did the Sicilian.

The Sicilian knows better than to enter my office when I am having computer problems. But he did say, “Computers were designed to drive you crazy.” This was one of the rare times I agreed with him.

While I am concerned about a virus, hacker, or alien invasion into my computer,a foreigner who claims to be with Microsoft and desires to correct the ID on my computer calls again for the umpteenth time this week. Yeah, right. Microsoft is calling me? I suppose it was Bill Gates, but I will never know  as the Sicilian told him where to put his phone.

gin and tonic

He felt better, and I felt much better after making a double G and T.  Feel so good, I think I will have another and forget trying to get on the internet.


Obviously if this is posted, I had success, at least limited success.