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Famous Last Words

When I was young,(shortly after the dinosaurs became extinct), the only witnesses to  your stupid actions were right there with you, egging you on. Now, with the advent of a cell phone in every hand, your stupid behavior can be posted world wide within seconds on Facebook, U tube, Twitter, Snapchat, Instangram or the nightly national news.

Below are a list of a few words that have been uttered shortly before the shit hits the fan and the incident goes viral.

  • Hold my beer and watch this.watch me
  • weird machineStand back, I don’t know how this thing works.
  • This isn’t going to hurt.
  • Doctor to patient: There might be a little discomfort
  • Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.
  • Any idiot can do this.plumbing problem
  • Who told you that this was impossible to do. Watch me!
  • Nothing to it. You just connect these two wires and …
  • I can fix it. I read how to do it on the internet.
  • Come on try it.
  • screw driverGive me a screw driver. I can fix that in a jiffy.
  • What could possibly go wrong?
  • I refuse to pay good money to have it fixed when I can do this myself.
  • Just add a little more air. I don’t think it will explode.kaboom
  • That’s never happened before.
  • Who cares? Just do it.

arrested

  • Maybe we ought to ask permission first.
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In 89 Days the Weight-endowed Person Sings

 

I’m trying to be politically correct, lest I offend any sensitive readers, so I was afraid to title this blog, “In 89 Days the Fat Lady Sings.” Anyway you describe it, in 89 days the election hype will be over, at least the campaigning aspect will be finished. God forbid we have a hanging chad incident or a tie. I don’t think the American people can tolerate more of the baloney we have been fed for almost a year.
trump 2hillaryIf you feel like I do, you wonder how in  a country of 320 million people, these two candidates were the best we could do?
Can’t we have another choice on the ballot such asnewman NONE OF THE ABOVE.
Or what about Alfred E Newman, of Mad Magazine fame? What me worry?
How are people who are still reasonable sane expected to survive during the next 89 days? Here area my suggestions:
1. Do your Christmas shopping now.
2. Buy a huge sports package and watch sports 24 hours a day on your TV
3. Avoid talking to people, except children under the age of 2.
4. Log off Facebook and stay off.
5. Read a book, make sure it is fiction. Political books are not fiction!
6. Turn off the news, and  block CNN, Fox, MSNBC, and similar channels.
7. Exercise, alone.
8. Buy and consume voluminous amounts of strong adult beverages.
9. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Talk only to the dogs and cats.
10. And remember, like consuming a spicy bowl of chilli, this too will pass.  Fssst.
To cheer you, I’ve given you famous quotes to ponder:

political 4

Well said TJ.
In life events often go from bad to worse, but in politics events go from worse to worser.  RWG
politics 3
political 2Such a useless bridge was actually built by politicians in Louisiana.  It was “called the bridge to nowhere.” For years the huge bridge over the Mississippi River sat unused, because no roads had access to it. A  monolith of political stupidity.
And my personal favorite:
political 3
                                                          Could it be that they are both full of shit?