Where is the person who . . .

• wrote on the food containing  box: lift flap to open?

Obviously this person has fingers that can double as shovels and fingernails of steel. And after ripping this box open, we are now expected to press open the tab and seal it by ticking Tab A into Slot B.  Who has ever down this without making the box look as if the postal service delivered it?

•  designed packages with a label that says “Press here to seal.”   This person has vice-grips hands and the patience of Job to line up the minuscule strips to seal the bag.

•  Sealed for your protection. bubble packages

These bubble, doubled sealed, heavy plastic containers should be banned. Scissors do not phase them. I’ve had to use razor  These bubble containers would confound Houdini.

 

Handy tear strip at top. Handy for who?  Only if you are Edward Scissorhands.edaward sissorhands.jpg The only tear strip that ever opens this way, and only after constant tugging,  is on a mustard, ketchup or salad oil packet and it explodes open when you have on your best white shirt.

Pull gently to open. This is open found on hermetically sealed slices of cheese. Took me and a girlfriend with pliers to pull one open yesterday. Have these people never seen those lovely slider lock bags?

Press down lid while turning. This instruction is often found on the lids of medicine. It’sheadache bad enough that I am sick, I don’t need to be tortured with bottles that can’t be opened. And while we are on it, what’s with all this childproof stuff? I’m not suggesting kids should eat poison and die, but where are the parents who like mine who gave the “the look” and said leave it alone.

Press sides while turning lid. This instruction is often on hazardous items, like toilet cleaner. The design is to keep children from opening the containers. Fine idea, but if you are a person with small hands, there is no way can you press and turn the lid. This is why vice grips were made.

Handy pull inner seal or ring. This instruction is on juice bottles, creamers,inner seal ring and other liquids. The handy seal is NOT easy to remove. And as for the ring, it works, but usually cuts off circulation to your finger. And, if you have large fingers, I’m sure the hole in the plastic ring is a real challenge.

The person in the photo obviously needs to get a life if she creates finger puppets from these rings.

Another challenge is even reading these instructions. Seems the same diabolical people that devise these “easy to open packages,” love to put the directions in fine print.

soap lidAnother gripe, instructions written on a device in white if the article is white or black on black.

• For example: Easy push and turn hand soap dispenser. The Sicilian opened the last one I bought. I tried pushing and turning in both direction to no avail.

Battery slot designers. Theses fiends love to add minuscule screws that fall out and bounce onto the floor never to be seen again, unless you have your pet x-rayed or you sort through the crap in the vacuum cleaner bag.
• Here are two examples. One good. One bad. You figure out which is which.

My remedy for this: Find the miscreant who devised each of these items, and seal them in a similar human size contraption. Limit their oxygen to 10 minutes.

• If that seems drastic, stock your kitchen with scissors, pliers, sharp knives, screwdrivers, dynamite, and a mini chainsaw.

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3 thoughts on “Where is the person who . . .

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