Advice for men: Weld It Shut

zip itWhen males turn 12 or 13, and their hormones are raging, I suggest the zipper on their pants be welded shut. This will save them untold misery, loss of money and possibly even prison time.

The daily news is enough to make sane people cry. There is little we can do about the terrorist situation in the world, crooked politicians, and losing football teams, but one way to lower the crime rate and bring back a sense of decency in the world would be to have men weld the zipper shut on their pants. Let me explain.

Last week, John Besh, a famous chef, decided to throw his career inJohn Besh the trash, by unzipping his drawers. He’s lost money, endorsements, and possibly his marriage and family because or raging hormones. Guess he’s been chopped.

Then there is Harvey Weinstein, enough said about him.

tiger woodsTiger Woods lost millions of dollars in endorsements when he let his zipper have its way.

And then there is Anthony Weiner who not only unzips it, he posts photos. Yikes! I give the man a pass, a very small pass for some of his behavior, because I am sure he’s suffered with years of bullying and embarrassment because of his last name.  So, change it. Kevin Spacey

And now a favorite actor of mine, Kevin Spacey, is in trouble.

Bill clintonAnd of course this list would not be close to complete without adding the alpha male of unzipped pants, President Clinton, who asked us to define what does  “is” mean when it comes to sexual misconduct.

Have none of these men heard of fidelity to their spouse or that “NO means no”? And just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

How many men are in prison for sexual crimes because they could not keep it zipped?

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

Let me give men a word of advice. If a woman dumps you, consider yourself lucky. You have probably been spared years of nagging, quarrels, and misery. There are far more female fish in the sea than males, so move on. Get over it.

This dumping advice applies to women too. While we do not have an abundance of male fish in the sea, being alone is far better than living with a barracuda.

As for men in power, get a grip on your zipper. A position of power does not allow you to run rough shod over other men and women.

I told my son when he was a mere 15 years old, “Don’t let 15 minutes of the hots  ruin your life. You will not die if you can’t have sex the minute you want it, your male organs will not explode and fall off your body. Go ahead, be wild, care free, and don’t use protection, but you will pay for it later.

Must have been good advice. He has been an adult for many years and there has yet to be a hint of scandal associated with his name. The same is true for many other men too.

shame cartoon

For my male readers, next time before you unzip, ask yourself this. “Would I want my actions reported on national TV, on the front page of the National Enquirer, or  have my best friends and family see me now? Is it worth a divorce, scandal, and possible prison time?

If the answer if NO, then weld it shut.

 

cheater

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