Instead of reading news on my ipad, I prefer to read a newspaper. I know newspapers are a dying art form, but I like holding it, scanning the pages, looking at the headlines, and moving on when I’m bored with an article. The newspaper allows me to scan pages without being annoyed with pop up ads, or being asked to take a test to determine if I can answer ten spelling questions correctly, or forced to get an insurance quote to see the page I want to read. No matter what part of the newspaper page I touch, I am not forced to look at another page or an unwanted article.
I find a wealth of startling information in the paper. If the political situation in the this country, and the world in general does not give me enough to worry about, look at the challenges I am now faced with by reading the paper yesterday.
A reader asked Miss Manners: What is the proper way to eat a cupcake? I’ve never given this 10 seconds of thought to this obvious dilemma. . I suggest this person gets a life. Hasn’t this person heard of the massacres in Africa, or 3rd world countries that have no guilt and own weapons of mass destruction. I assume none of my male readers worry about cupcake eating either, they are suffering through the off season and only have the NFL draft to look forward to until August.
In case you wonder, the way to eat a cupcake, per Miss Manners is : take off the paper, tip it slightly to avoid getting frosting on your nose, and bite into it. I am sure we can call rest easy tonight knowing we will not make a terrible gaffe at our next social situation when passed a tray of cupcakes.
Once again the city fathers in our area have my tax money burning a hole in their pocket. They want to spend 100 million dollars to raise the railing on the Causeway bridge from 34 to 46 inches high. This much needed improvement (their words, not mine) should curb the number of vehicles that go airborne, soar off the bridge, and drop into the lake. Flying cars are a nuisance to other drivers because the bridge is closed for hours so the driver and the vehicle can be winched out of the lake, and of course they are a major problem to the person who just flew off the bridge in the behemoth SUV..
In case you wonder, a total of about 20 vehicles have flown off the bridge in the last 15 years. Hardly a major crisis compared to the crime rate in New Orleans. Most of these soaring cars had sleeping, speeding, drunk, or texting drivers, and on three occasions the flying car was rear-ended by one of the afore mentioned drivers. Sad, but as I said before, money won’t fix stupid, not even $100 million.
BUT the item that really has me concerned was a headline on page four of the supplement: Dogs need to use sunscreen. The article states that even dogs sitting in the house by a window need sunscreen to protect them from burns and cancer.
Spot the Wonder dog loves to sit by the window, so must I now cover my furniture with a tarp to protect it from greasy sun screen. After reading this, I am sure a gazillion cat owners are thinking, “What about Fluffy? Should I protect her?” Next will it be dry skin lotion for your pet lizards and snakes?
Now that I know how to eat a cupcake, realize $100 million will be thrown at stupidity, I plan to research skin cancer in dogs. I’ll check the internet, after all, it is the source of all truth.